Eleanor

There is a little girl named Eleanor. She is a year and a half old, and she holds my heart in her tiny hands. I have taken care of her since she was seven months old. This little girl is precious. She has been a huge source of light and hope in my life as my family goes through significant changes and my heart cries out for peace. There is peace holding her when she sleeps. There is peace when she reaches up her arms for me. There is peace when she runs full speed into my legs. There is peace in her innocence and her love. I love Eleanor. I love taking care of her: playing with her, feeding her, carrying her, changing her diaper, dressing her, bathing her, hugging her, teaching her, talking to her... What she asks of me I can (usually) give.

When I take care of her I tend to say that I am having my baby therapy time. What do I really mean? I am taking advantage of some free love.



Eleanor is by far my favorite little person in the world to be with. Your baby or sibling or cousin or niece/nephew might be cute, but Eleanor is incomparable in my eyes. Still, I am more than willing to love on your baby too. So on regularly scheduled Sundays, I spend my morning in the nursery with many babies!

This past Sunday there was a little girl named Isabel and boy did her eyes fill with tears when her mama dropped her off! I scooped her up and she started to cry. Her mother had mentioned that there was a very good chance that Isabel might cry the entire service because she is teething. Oops. I picked the baby that was going to cry for 2+ hours?

Sometimes I just pray and pray and pray those desperate prayers, "Oh dear Jesus, I have no idea what to do." Sometimes those prayers are related to being completely clueless about what to say to someone, about forgetting everything I know when I am handed the test, or screwing up majorly and needing forgiveness. Sheer states of panic also inspire these prayers. Gently holding Isabel was another one of those opportune prayer moments. I'm not her mother; I have no idea what to do to love this little girl. So I prayed for her and held her like I would a baby of my own.

We had a tear-free 2+ hour service. (Thanks God!)

One of the themes in church is adoption. There are so many adopted babies in the nursery! There are so many moms discussing foster care while they pick up their kids. There are so many programs geared towards helping children and families and moms in the community. I love it! My church is being the church, being the body of Christ to others. Love is proclaimed through actions, not just words. These women in my church are amazing in the way that they love their families and their communities.

And this love, these amazing people, aren't just in my church! There is a woman I know, the older sister of a childhood friend, who is awesome like the women in my church. She posted this video to her blog and my heart is moved by it. I hope yours is too.



I don't know what God has in store for me. My life certainly is not going where I thought it would go. I'm okay with that; His plan is far better. I love guessing though - "What will I be doing next year?" "What will I be doing in five years?" "Will I get married someday?" "Will I have children someday?" I am very cautious about spending too much time on these questions, but I think that God has been shaping me to be successful in a mothering role. That role might be a position as an RD here at IWU someday or a house-mom at a social services home or a mother with my own children, both biological and adopted. I want to adopt

because what if it were Eleanor on the side of the road?